That's Having A Threesome, Boys
by imp

That's Having A Threesome, Boys

imp

Summary

Post-Phoenix elimination, everyone's tired and pissed, sex is suddenly on the table.

Notes

None

Chapter One

The second night after they're out, Johnny follows Kaner out to Slugger's. "Don't," Kaner says as he's pounding his first beer, "say any-fucking-thing about next year."

"Fuck off," Johnny says. "I was going to tell you you suck."

"We sucked," Kaner says, even though it's not like he's got any delusions about how he played.

"Sure," Johnny says.

He doesn't sound like he's agreeing; he sounds like he's close to throttling Kaner right there in public. It's exactly how Kaner wants him to feel, so he keeps drinking and doesn't say anything else.

They spend who even fucking knows how many nights doing this last year, after management pulled Kaner aside and told him to cool his heels. Only last year, during the season, they didn't get hammered. This time, they do.

"Home," Kaner says after the - eighth? ninth? - beer, and some shots, Kaner doesn't know. "Let's go home."

"I'm not going back to your place," Johnny says. His voice has gone all funny like it does when he's drunk. He doesn't even slur, Kaner thinks, just sounds…dumb. He doesn't have the words for it. Not after this much booze.

They catch a taxi back to Johnny's - which, "Your furniture's the fucking same," Kaner points out, slumping against Johnny.

Johnny shrugs him off almost violently, so Kaner clamps on, gripping his shoulders. He's going to be some kind of…some kind of bug, he thinks, that clings, until Johnny quits being pissed, or loses it and -

Kaner would be up for getting his mouth fucked, is all.

"Come on," Johnny says when they get to his place. He tosses some money at the cabbie and drags Kaner out of the car. The drunken stumbling down the hall is normal, and the wait in the elevator is too. When they get to Johnny's, Johnny shoves Kaner in and then - thank God - grabs him and kisses him.

That's not what Kaner wants, though, even though Johnny's biting his lip and curling his fingers on Kaner's head like he wishes there was hair to tug.

Fuck and yeah, Kaner thinks, maneuvering them over to the couch. This is what he wants; this will make things normal.

Except Johnny fucks his mouth, and holds him down, and jerks him off, and through it all he's tense and closed-off. He doesn't lose it and shout, he doesn't bite Kaner hard enough to hurt, he's closed-off and tense right up until he says, "Guest room's yours," and leaves Kaner on the couch.

And, shit. Kaner's not going to say his dick has magical curing properties, but if getting off while hammered doesn't help, what the fuck will?

Kaner doesn't emerge from the guest room until one. When he does, he's just showered and his hair is wet, which is fine. Sharpy's sitting on the couch in the living room, which isn't fine.

"Oh, screw you," Kaner says.

Sharpy doesn't even glance at him. "Glad you're not dead, too."

"Not you," Kaner says. "Where's Johnny?"

"Kitchen."

It's easy to corner Johnny. He's standing there drinking water and looking like a tool.

"What the fuck," Kaner says.

"What?"

"We - you -" Kaner doesn't have words for why he's pissed. "So, what, if Sharpy's over here I won't molest you?"

Johnny moves his face in a way that Kaner would bet he thinks makes him look confused. In reality, he just looks like a liar. "No."

"Right," Kaner snaps. He grabs Johnny's water and stalks out to the living room.

"You're lucky I didn't use up all the hot water," Sharpy says as he sits down.

"You didn't shower."

"Did I say I was going to?"

"Very funny," Kaner snaps.

Sharpy looks at him, then makes a noise of disbelief. "Christ, Kaner. How do you and Toes even spend a night together?"

Kaner freezes, because he can't mean - can he? But Sharpy continues, "Let me guess, you watched manly movies and then went to bed without talking to each other?"

"First we got hammered," Kaner says.

"Obviously," Sharpy says.

After a few minutes, Johnny comes out to the living room with a new glass of water. He sits next to Sharpy, ignoring Kaner completely. He keeps ignoring Kaner as they watch ESPN, even though Sharpy keeps trying to get them both to talk. He's working really hard, Kaner thinks. He'd feel sorry for the guy, except it's not like he couldn't leave any time if he wanted to.

Kaner's just sitting there stewing. He should probably be processing his feelings like an adult, or at least talking to his sisters until they make fun of him enough that he feels better, but instead he just sits there, getting more and more pissed, until finally he says, "Yeah, fuck it," and gets out of his chair, going over to Johnny, grabbing his face, and kissing him.

For a second Johnny doesn't kiss back and Kaner thinks he's fucked up big-time. But then Johnny goes tense and grabs Kaner, hauling him in and kissing him more intensely than they did anything last night. It's fucking filthy, too, tongue and teeth the way Kaner hadn't kissed anyone before he and Johnny started hooking up as rookies. There've been a lot of people since then - well, fine, some people, Kaner's not some kind of sex god - but none of them are like Johnny.

He's almost forgotten Sharpy's there when Sharpy starts applauding.

Kaner and Johnny pull apart. "You're a dick," Kaner says, glancing over at him.

He almost falls out of Johnny's lap then, though, because Sharpy's watching them and, shit, he's interested. Kaner didn't even do his hair, he thinks half-hysterically.

Johnny sighs. He sounds as pissy as ever. "Go fucking make out with him," he says, sounding bored.

Kaner looks over at him. For a second they all just stare at each other, tense as hell. Then Kaner nods once and goes over to Sharpy. "I could blow you," Kaner says. "If you don't want to make out."

Sharpy just stares at him disbelievingly. Finally he says, "You're the ugliest person I've fucked either way," and kisses Kaner.

Kaner thinks he's kind of a sucker for letting Sharpy do it, but whatever. Sharpy's hands are on his ass, so that's fine.

Kissing Johnny isn't something Kaner can just do, because usually by the time things get desperate enough that they're making out, things are seriously fucked up. And yeah, things are fucked up now, in the end-of-the-season way, but Sharpy's kissing him like he's got all the time in the world. He's probably technically better at it, Kaner thinks with the tiny part of his brain that's not basically yelling "boner".

"You like making him laugh," Johnny says, and Kaner jerks away from Sharpy like he's been burned.

"Sharpy," Johnny says, fixing Sharpy with a sociopath stare.

Sharpy shrugs. "You like when I make him laugh."

"Hey," Kaner says, because he's not sure if someone's making fun of him, and things feel weird.

"Suck his dick," Johnny says, moving his sociopath stare to Kaner.

Kaner could just do it, but - "What are you going to do?" Kaner says. "Sit there like a freak?"

Johnny shrugs.

"Come here," Sharpy says, which is great, because Johnny will listen to Sharpy when he won't listen to Kaner.

The thought makes his stomach twist a little, but that's beside the point.

Johnny scoots closer until he's sitting up against Kaner's knee, digging into the couch. Sharpy leans away from Kaner to kiss Johnny.

It's not like how he kissed Kaner. It's slower, calmer. It's funny, Kaner thinks, because if Sharpy talked to Johnny like he was kissing him, Johnny'd probably challenge him to a tae kwon do duel or something.

Sharpy's got a hand on Johnny's face now, holding him and kissing him, and Kaner jumps when Sharpy uses his spare hand to guide Kaner's hand to Sharpy's dick. Kaner cups him through his pants, though, rocking his hips a little for some friction as he rubs Sharpy.

Then he notices the way Johnny's moving and says, "Hey, I have two hands."

It sounds smarter in his head.

Sharpy breaks away with a laugh. Johnny doesn't laugh, but his lips do twist a little. "You want to be the chick, Kaner?" Sharpy says.

"Fuck off," Kaner says.

"Anyway," Sharpy says, "Johnny wants to."

Kaner blinks. "Huh?"

Johnny makes a face, but he says, "Sit next to Sharpy," and slides to his knees.

Kaner's mind goes a little blank. Jesus Christ.

"Try not to blow it," Sharpy says. "Figuratively," he adds, and hauls Kaner off him, settling him on the couch.

"Also don't fucking kick me," Johnny says, and goes to pull Kaner's pants down.

Johnny's mouth just feels like a mouth. An awkward mouth. Only, it's attached to Johnny, and Kaner can't help but pet Johnny's hair kind of stupidly and watch as Johnny glares up at him and gets his mouth around Kaner's dick.

"Hey," Sharpy says quietly. Kaner turns to look at him and - oh. Okay. Sharpy looks weird, so Kaner leans in and kisses him, keeping a hand on Johnny's head.

And then Sharpy's sucking his tongue, and Johnny's sucking his dick, and basically it's awesome and Kaner lasts maybe five minutes. Johnny swallows, then wipes the back of his hand and looks up at Kaner.

For the first time, he looks a little less crazy, and Kaner feels a little less like he's going to go do something spectacularly stupid in an attempt to feel less weird. He pulls Johnny up and kisses him, then says, "Do you want to do Sharpy, or."

Johnny glances over at Sharpy, then looks back at Kaner. He makes a decision, somehow, based on what they look like. "Yeah," he says, and leans in, licking Sharpy's dick.

Sharpy tilts his head back and groans, which, does he have to look good all the time? Johnny looks kind of dumb, on all fours on the couch, even if his ass does look like a Kardashian's from this angle. Kaner reaches out, then jerks his hand back, like Johnny'll kill him if they touch. But then Sharpy catches his gaze and nods, so Kaner reaches out again, plastering himself up against Johnny as best as he can and jerking Johnny off.

Johnny moans, which makes Sharpy says, "Fuck, yeah," and pet Johnny's head. Johnny's thrusting into Kaner's hand and bobbing his head on Sharpy's dick and Kaner's kind of dizzy with how turned on he is in spite of not being hard, so he thanks God when Sharpy comes and Johnny follows, all over Kaner's hand.

And, Kaner thinks a little gleefully, Johnny's leather couch.

Johnny slumps down after he's done, head in Sharpy's lap. That's got to be a little uncomfortable, but Sharpy just pets Johnny's hair and Kaner, after a moment of hesitation, leans in and rubs Johnny's back.

He's not surprised when Johnny only lets himself lie there for a few minutes before getting up and saying, "Gonna shower," leaving them alone.

Kaner stretches and says, "Oh, hey, come on the couch," and goes into the kitchen for paper towels. When he comes back out, Sharpy's wearing his pants again.

He's really fucking unfairly hot, Kaner thinks, and swipes at the leather.

"You guys are crazy," Sharpy says after a few minutes of silence.

Kaner tosses the paper towels in the living room trash. Johnny can remember to take out the trash, it's his place. "What, you're not?"

"I was dealing with losing well, thanks," Sharpy says.

"Well, we can't all…" Kaner trails off, trying to think of how responsible Sharpy's been. "Be sober," he finishes lamely.

Sharpy snorts. "Obviously not."

"Anyway," Kaner says finally, "you came over. So."

"So?"

Kaner feels like he should say something serious, so he wiggles a little and says, "You know you wanted some of this jelly."

"Sure, that's exactly why I did it."

There, Kaner thinks. That's his opening, to ask -

But he doesn't. Instead he says, "Well, you know. You can stay."

Yeah," Sharpy says. He makes it sound like he's some kind of philosopher or something, there's so much weight to it. "I think I will."

"Sharpy's staying," Kaner says when Johnny comes out of the shower.

Johnny stops and stares at them, his usual dumb slackjawed look firmly in place. "Oh," he says finally. "Cool."

And he smiles.